Monday, September 21, 2009

i'm back.....

SO, it's been a long time, Yes? Well, i'm busy :) Not that I don't love you all...I am just short on minutes!! The ladies in our church have just started the Angela Thomas Bible STudy "Do You think I"m beautiful?" It is awesome, and I am NOT just saying that!! She really has a way of cutting through the junk and just saying what you need to hear. I HIGHLY recommend it.

That being said, I have been having a rough couple of weeks. I'm not sure why, but have you ever felt like no matter how hard you run, no matter how fast you move, no matter how busy you stay, you never get one step caught up? much less ahead! I feel like everything I am doing is rushed. I do NOT like that. That is not my style in the least. I like to be free. I like to just pick up and do what I want, when I want. Well, that ain't happenin' anymore!! Not cool. Ever feel like every single minute is scheduled? And if you do not jump when the buzzer goes off you'll never make it? Well, that's where I am. The strange thing, is that usually people who say these things have their kids so over scheduled, that it is creating this kind of chaos. That's not the case here. I have 3 boys, the only independent type activity they have is soccer, the two youngest, who are on the same team. Not a lot of scheduling required there. But, I go from one thing to the next w/no real break. Ugh..... I get up, I make coffee, I drink coffe while reading bible and doing devotions, baby arrives, feed baby, feed other kids, start school, baby nap, school, lunch, baby lunch, school, baby nap, baby leaves, dinner, whatever...visitation, soccer practice, bible study, other bible name it, I'm there. Do not for a minute think that I want to or can quit a single thing I'm doing. I really, really can't. I am just waiting for the calm. It's gotta come. I'm praying for peace, for relaxation, for something.

The one benefit of all this activity....I am becoming ORGANIZED! Shock! Gasp! Surprise! ME? you say??? Organized???? NOt likely!!! well, it's true, In self defense I have become a planner. I love forms, do you? If there's a form, I wanna fill in the blanks!! :)

I have no deep thoughts or eternal wisdom to give...but I'm here slogging through the trenches. Tryin to smile through it, because despite my lack of a sense of self worth....I have GOD-worth. I know He loves me, He thinks I'm beautiful, and He can use matter what. :)

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