and another day.

SO, it's been rough this week. Not just for me. For good friends as well. Keep Millstone in general in your prayers. I am pretty sure that there is spiritual warfare goin on here. Bad. It so hard. So hard to keep your focus when stupid stuff gets in the way. Why on earth do we let the little minutia of this world get in our way??? I mean really! If a dish sits in the sink for a few hours, are the walls gonna tumble down? Will God not forgive that as well? If a bed is not made, clothes are not washed, books are left lying around....will the sky fall? No. It won't. None of that junk matters in the grand scheme of life. Yes, it's nice to have a clean house. But, if you want it perfect....don't have kids. In fact, don't let OTHER people kids in you house either. They breed mess. If you want a perfectly unmessy life, you're gonna be bored. You're gonna be lonely. Life is messy. Right now, I am deep in the mess. Every felt your heart beat in your head? Your eyes? Gotten dizzy? That's where I was today. Not cool. I need to let stuff go. I need to learn to let comments that feel disparaging to me go. I need to focus on the things of God and get my eyes off myself, my life, my wants, my desires and look up. Not literally "up"...just "up" at Him. He loves me every day of my life. He knew me before I was born. He knows how many hairs are on my head. He knew me in my mother's womb. He knit me together. I am wonderfully and fearfully made. He is excited about me. He thinks I am beautiful, because I am His design. You can say the same things, do you know Him personally? You can.
<3 J

So, I'm supposed to be writing a paper on the Holy Spirit in the Gospel of John. I can't seem to get started. It's got to be a loooooooooong paper w/at least 10 sources. Ugh. That's how I feel about it. I really HATE feeling "ugh" about anything that has to do with God. or church. But, nevertheless, i do on occasion. This is one of those occasions. I do NOT want to write this paper. I have been unsuccessful at motivating myself to do so. This is one of those days I think, "huh. I wonder what made me think I needed a graduate degree?" I did just fine w/NO degree at all for many years. Oh well. In for a penny, in for a pound. RIght?

My homeschooling year so far has been less than stellar. Don't really like admitting or posting that, but hey. Public school has been less than stellar as well for those attending, so I guess we're even. :) Carter does NOT want to do school. At all. Branche well, Branche loves to read and hates everything else. Ugh. Roger, he just wants to do speed school. The quicker it's over, the better. We are taking a shot at a couple lapbooks. It's different. Not in love with it, because it createds waaaaaaaaaaaay more prep work for me. Sonlight has me spoiled. Everything all planned out and sitting there ready. can't wait til box day. Man, life can get normal again. At least I am having time w/my boys. They are something else. Branche and Roger have discovered how much fun it is to ride anything with wheels on a path through the woods behind the house ...downhill. Very downhill, so very fast. They do it every chance they get. They have dug potholes and lumps to make it more interesting....they ride things double not meant to be double.....I just keep saying, "wear your helmets!!!!" PLEEEASE! Lol. Boys, what're ya gonna do, right???

I'm doing a Bible study called....Seeking Revival...I think that's what it's called. Anyway, it's great. It's convicting. It's made to do both alone and in a group and I'll tell ya what. It sure is showing me scripture in new ways. Our ladies Bible study as well. That one, I tell ya what. I cry nearly every day when I do my daily part. Do it if you're given the chance, "Do You Think I'm Beautiful? " by Angela Thomas. You could just read the book which I am sure is fabulous...but the study w/a bunch of other women is phenomenal.

Hope everyone is having a great day. Mine has been busy. Keep on praying. <3

So I got my hair cut really short today, and the lady who cut it did an awesome job, and she said, "WOW! You look like 15 or 20 yrs. younger!!" I thought to myself....being 40...that would make me pretty young...or either I reallly looked awful before!! :) I'm going with the really young theory. ya'll have a great night. I'm going to a homeschool mom's group thing...can't wait!!! New friends to make! yahoo!

Have you ever found yourself in the stupidest conversation ever and couldn't stop? You know, someone makes a statement, you make a statement in response, and everyone else in the world (except the person you were talking to) gets in the middle and adds all kinds of meaning in there that you never intended??? I really hate it when people pick a fight with me. I don't mean like, I'm always right so don't question me, I don't mean, I don't like to discuss issues (say, of Theology)...I just mean, if we are having said discussion....keep the personality out of it! I guess some people just don't even realize how hurtful and mean their words can be....you know, open mouth...forget to engage brain? I do that sometimes. You know, open my mouth before my brain has the chance to engage? We all do, we're human, we mess up, we sin, we speak before we think. But, ya know...some people are just wired to argue against everything. Period. I was in a "discussion" with this guy and someone jumped all over me for what I said. I happen to have been right, btw, but that doesn't matter. He tried to make what I said look stupid, he disagreed w/what I said etc. Then....two posts later...under a different person's post....he totally backed up what I was saying that he argued against. Ridiculous. Those kinds of people need to all go live together in a commune somewhere and argue nonsensically with each other and leave the rest of us alone. THere. I'm through with my rant. Ya'll have a wonderful day. :)

i'm back.....

SO, it's been a long time, Yes? Well, i'm busy :) Not that I don't love you all...I am just short on minutes!! The ladies in our church have just started the Angela Thomas Bible STudy "Do You think I"m beautiful?" It is awesome, and I am NOT just saying that!! She really has a way of cutting through the junk and just saying what you need to hear. I HIGHLY recommend it.

That being said, I have been having a rough couple of weeks. I'm not sure why, but have you ever felt like no matter how hard you run, no matter how fast you move, no matter how busy you stay, you never get one step caught up? much less ahead! I feel like everything I am doing is rushed. I do NOT like that. That is not my style in the least. I like to be free. I like to just pick up and do what I want, when I want. Well, that ain't happenin' anymore!! Not cool. Ever feel like every single minute is scheduled? And if you do not jump when the buzzer goes off you'll never make it? Well, that's where I am. The strange thing, is that usually people who say these things have their kids so over scheduled, that it is creating this kind of chaos. That's not the case here. I have 3 boys, the only independent type activity they have is soccer, the two youngest, who are on the same team. Not a lot of scheduling required there. But, I go from one thing to the next w/no real break. Ugh..... I get up, I make coffee, I drink coffe while reading bible and doing devotions, baby arrives, feed baby, feed other kids, start school, baby nap, school, lunch, baby lunch, school, baby nap, baby leaves, dinner, whatever...visitation, soccer practice, bible study, other bible study...you name it, I'm there. Do not for a minute think that I want to or can quit a single thing I'm doing. I really, really can't. I am just waiting for the calm. It's gotta come. I'm praying for peace, for relaxation, for something.

The one benefit of all this activity....I am becoming ORGANIZED! Shock! Gasp! Surprise! ME? you say??? Organized???? NOt likely!!! well, it's true, In self defense I have become a planner. I love forms, do you? If there's a form, I wanna fill in the blanks!! :)

I have no deep thoughts or eternal wisdom to give...but I'm here slogging through the trenches. Tryin to smile through it, because despite my lack of a sense of self worth....I have GOD-worth. I know He loves me, He thinks I'm beautiful, and He can use me...no matter what. :)

Puttin' in a plug....

I'm taking a quick opportunity to put in a couple plugs for stuff I've found I love.
1. The Old Schoolhouse Planner (Making a plan for school and home)
This thing is really cool. You can order a CD for your computer...it's absolutely FULL of useful, wonderful cool forms for planning stuff. If you like forms and planners, but have never found one with the stuff you need...this is it. I have turned a ring binder into the ultimate planning machine. It rocks. This thing has forms for planning everything from your day, to your week, to your year, to your kids' schoolyear, to meals daily weekly and monthly. It's incredible. It even has forms to plann your kids' 12 yrs in school. I just love it and cannot say enough about the stuff it has. It has also, lots of educational info. like conversion formulas, periodic table, mulitiplication table, history timeline, TONS of stuff. Love it, check it out.
2. "in our shoes...real life issues for Minister's wives, by minister's wives"
by Rachel Lovingood and Jennifer Landrith\
This is an awesome personal bible study for women in the ministry. It's incredible. Daily, I glean something from it. It's amazing. I just can't say enough good about it. If you're a ministry wife...read it.

the worst blogger in the world

Ok, so I may not be the worst blogger in the world, be i'm certainly in the top 5 laziest, right??! Well, lemme just say, get your flu shots when you're supposed to, ok?? I had never had the flu until last week...( and still now). Me, and two of the boys got the flu. Not cool. REALLY, not cool. I'm pretty sure it had to be the swine flu, since the symptoms matched (kids puking) and the timing...seasonal flu is gone. So, that being said...the flu STINKS! I mean, walking down the hall made me get winded!! Our hall is not that long!!! I still have diminished lung capacity. The kids are still sleeping waaaaaaaaaay more than normal (all is not bad, is it??) But, we're on the mend. Just had to put in a plug for the flu shot...though Roger did have his flu shot this year and he still got sick...those vaccines don't last forever! :)
Pray for us and our church as we seek to feel our way thru all that needs to be done and figure out how to do it...and how to garner interest. Man. Ministry is NOT easy, is it?!
Love ya'll.
J