Ok.  So here's the thing.  I had a very enlightening meeting with a therapist today.  She has been meeting with Branche for a few weeks and me for one plus several extended phone conversations. So heres the thing.  The people he is staying with have decided he needs to come home and have given him a dead line of this weekend.  We offered him to come home.  We offered him the same rules as at the house he's staying in.  He says he doesn't trust the written agreement.  Despite oversight of the therapist and accountability.  Oh well.  I am free.  The therapist managed to free me today.  The truth is, is that he is 17 and making his own choices.  Forcing him wouldn't work.  He has to be free to make his own bad/good decision.  If I don't let him now, it will be worse for him later.  I am free.  I cried for a while.  Then I decided since it was my birthday Monday and I was too sick to celebrate that today I would celebrate.  I will enjoy my two youngest.  I will love my oldest as he allows.  We are going on vacation for three days.  I WILL have fun.  I WILL enjoy myself.  and i will NOT be made to feel bad because he is making stupid decisions.  I love him. I can't live for him.  I have to live for me and for my littles and for my marriage.  :)