There are times that God will move you to tears with joy. There are times He will test your faith and move you to tears of pain, fear, frustration. It can be hard to see God in our times of trial. We are going through a great trial now. I have cried more in two weeks than I have in 6 months. I have cried out to God more in two weeks than probably ever. There are so many songs with poignant lyrics that speak exactly what my heart is screaming. There are Psalms that do the same.
I'm tired of the trial. I feel that God has left us hanging. I know this isn't true....it's just a feeling and the Bible says feelings (emotions) are deceptive. I really want to scream. My entire body and soul and mind has been clenched for two weeks. Have you ever felt that you were walking a very fine line between keeping it together and totally losing it? Have you been through a time where it seems you are the only person you know whose life is just....messed up??? Through nothing you've done...you're suffering. I guess this is some of what is meant by sharing in Christ's suffering...going through pain that you didn't put into motion.
We wait and wait for His answer. We seek His face. We deny ourselves food. We cry. pray. read. study. cry. Why isn't He answering?? What are we missing? His timing is perfect. We should rest in His arms, His all-knowing, loving, strong, unfailing arms. It's not easy. Sometimes when you get hurt enough you become so tender...everything hurts. Loving touches hurt. Any word hurts that is not softly spoken. I cannot even imagine Christ on the cross and His pain.
My breath is labored. My heart hurts and cries for relief. My soul seeks respite.
"I lift up my eyes to the hills--
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip--
he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord watches over you---
The Lord is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
The Lord will keep you from all harm--
he will watch over your life;
the Lord will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.