There are times that God will move you to tears with joy. There are times He will test your faith and move you to tears of pain, fear, frustration. It can be hard to see God in our times of trial. We are going through a great trial now. I have cried more in two weeks than I have in 6 months. I have cried out to God more in two weeks than probably ever. There are so many songs with poignant lyrics that speak exactly what my heart is screaming. There are Psalms that do the same.

I'm tired of the trial. I feel that God has left us hanging. I know this isn't true....it's just a feeling and the Bible says feelings (emotions) are deceptive. I really want to scream. My entire body and soul and mind has been clenched for two weeks. Have you ever felt that you were walking a very fine line between keeping it together and totally losing it? Have you been through a time where it seems you are the only person you know whose life is just....messed up??? Through nothing you've done...you're suffering. I guess this is some of what is meant by sharing in Christ's suffering...going through pain that you didn't put into motion.

We wait and wait for His answer. We seek His face. We deny ourselves food. We cry. pray. read. study. cry. Why isn't He answering?? What are we missing? His timing is perfect. We should rest in His arms, His all-knowing, loving, strong, unfailing arms. It's not easy. Sometimes when you get hurt enough you become so tender...everything hurts. Loving touches hurt. Any word hurts that is not softly spoken. I cannot even imagine Christ on the cross and His pain.

My breath is labored. My heart hurts and cries for relief. My soul seeks respite.

"I lift up my eyes to the hills--
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip--
he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord watches over you---
The Lord is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
The Lord will keep you from all harm--
he will watch over your life;
the Lord will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.
Psalm 121

a new bible study

So this morning I finished my second "Coffee Cup" series Bible study and started a new study. This one is called "Victoriously Frazzled" by Cindi Wood and the title caught my attention quite some time ago and I am just now getting around to doing it. I was hoping to do it as a group study w/ladies from church, but they're just not there. Anyway, it's going to be a great study even though I'm doing it alone and it would be awesome to be able to discuss it every week. I guess anyone reading this blog will become my discussion group! :)
My thought from it this morning was this: I need to be still.
That is the basis of today's study and she's right! I need to be still. There are times when God wants and expects us to get up off our lazy over-fed, well padded, comfortably seated butts and do something. Then there are times when we are supposed to merely be still and know He is God. That God is on His throne and all things work to His purposes and He works those purposes for our good. Now don't misunderstand...that certainly does NOT mean that all things will be wonderful and happy and sunshiny for Christians. Sometimes "our good" is discipline, want, pain, suffering....things that bring growth...spiritual growth in particular. We cannot fool ourselves into thinking that God is gonna coddle us like spoiled little Pomeranians living in L.A. shopping on Rodeo Drive with Daddy's credit card. The Bible never promises that. It does promise that God is King, He loves us, and if we are His people He will give us what we need. He will also make us want what HE wants. "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4 He will make the desires of OUR hearts, match the desires of His. Anyway, I find myself often struggling with what's going on in my life as far as kids, husband, housework, money....all that. There's always something. But I struggle with it like I'm the one who needs to fix it. What makes me think I can??? Why on earth would I even think I'm able? I'm not. HE is though. God can and will fix it all...for MY good. Whatever that is...He knows. There are times we need to lean back and rest in Him and let God fight our battles (he can, better than we can), provide peace (HIS peace), take care javascript:void(0)of our situations, watch over our families, make things happen, provide HIS strength (ours will fail), take care of our worries (Bible says not to do that any way), and resolve our problems. He knows the answers, He sees the big picture of time past-present-future that our little human brains cannot. He knows what is good and right and what we need now. I'm gonna be still and listen and KNOW HE is GOD! :)