Purposefully Thankful

I am in a storm of great proportions.  A personal storm. Involving every member of our little family.  Most days I am unable to look past the clouds, thunder, lightening, downpours…to see anything else.  I am consumed by fear, sorrow, grief, anxiety, hate, hurt, pain, emptiness..you name it.  I cannot control one thing in my life that is going wrong and causing all these feelings.  Nothing.  I am absolutely out of control.  Apparently, I cannot even control my feelings and emotions.  I try.  I stuff them down deep and smile and try to keep putting one foot in front of the other figuring SOME how, SOME time there will be an end to the crap. Right now I feel like I must be walking in circles because there is no end.  Bipolar. Rebellion. Screaming fits.  Moving. Accusations. Unforgiveness. Fear. Anxiety. School. Anger. Endless.

I am writing this post not to fill your ears with my problems or make you feel sorry for me.  But to force myself to think of the things I can be thankful for.

I am healthy, mostly.
I have a job.
My husband has a job.
We found somewhere to move to easily.
We found the money to pay for that.
We got a storage space less than 5 miles from our house.
I have heat….and wool socks
My friends (at a distance) still answer the phone when I call.
We have food and clean water.
We have clothes and a car that runs.
God loves me even when I don't know it.
I didn't have to serve on the jury today.


I need His peace.
I am trying so hard.

One of those days...

Well, I'm sorry to say that today was "one of those days". The boys were totally uncontrollable. I spanked, I sent people to their rooms multiple times, and still, no relief. I was so glad when Rob came home I just wanted to cry. Now, two of them are sitting on my bed watching cartoons and slowly but surely shoving all my covers on the floor. Man, it's great to be a Mom. I'm tired, I'm frustrated and we got very little done school-wise today. Branche did alright, but complained about every single assignment and could think of nothing better to do than beg me to cut something out. Man, I get tired of that! Would you ever think to beg a teacher to not make you do an assignment??? Puh-leeeze!!!! When he does that, it just makes me want to give him extra assignments (which of course is Rob's suggestion). I just don't think it would be beneficial to make him scream louder and longer...nothing is gonna get done. I did make him complete what I had originally given him. The two littles were just not interested in school today in the least. They did let me read to them some, so at least that happened, but no handwriting (which is so important for Carter), and no workbooks at all. Ugh. Life surely does go on!!
Well, my Dad did finish my corner cabinet and I intended to post a photo sooner, but our one computer is always in great demand, so I'll try this time. It is absolutely beautiful and I spend at least a minute or two studying it every day. Ha. The first two days or so, I was continually rearranging stuff in it. I still don't think it's right, but Mom'll have to come tell me how to do right! HA! Okay, photos: Dad standing proudly by his creation, the cabinet in my diningroom empty, and a closeup of it full of stuff...which I have since rearranged. ha.
That's it for now!
Someone's screamin' for cheese-dogs.
Julie